Tomorrow is the last day of classes in my college career, and it has left me feeling funny. Not funny in a ha-ha kind of way but a i-sort-of-want-to-vomit-and-cry-and-drink-beer kind of way. I have spent countless hours of the last four years waiting for this moment to come, when I can shout "Sayonara, bitches!" at my peers on the quad and ride off into the sunset. Oddly enough, I'm not feeling ready to mount my white horse and trot away.
Having my thesis exhibition show after i finish classes is sort of making me feel crazy. In a sense, I have devoted my entire college career to my final show. I have not always been doing work directly related to my show, but it's always been on my mind. I remember finishing my first semester at the U of R and talking with the then-seniors of the studio arts department. They all somehow seemed to know exactly what they wanted to make and how to do it. It was a little inspiring. Since that time, I've been looking forward to my own show, and I've felt a strong necessity to "get my shit together" as they say, to make sure that my show is just as strong as those of the students before me.
Because I haven't had my show yet, I have no real feeling of closure, even in finishing classes. I have officially completed all of the work for my three other classes, and I've already received top marks on some of my final projects. I should feel good, right? I mostly just feel busy anxiety, a burning need to just keep moving, keep making, and keep working to make my show as best as it can be. But then the jarring worry comes in, reminding me that I'm full of steam now mostly because I have a specific show to work towards; everything coming afterwards is an utter mystery.
So what does this all mean? I think it's a swift reminder to stay active and to be proactive. I can get these things done when I have projects and due dates. This is the artistic environment in which I must place myself. Maybe I have a stronger work ethic than I do personal drive. Do you think I should put that on my resume?
Alright, now find me a job.
No comments:
Post a Comment